April 26, 2005
sadder update
Well, the prodigal son came home for a while, but has gone out to feed with the swine again. That's right. Anthony.
I had just gotten to the point where I could hang out with him again, after he had missed our wedding due to getting high and had a good scare with the law that shook him up into going straight.
It took me a while to let him back in. At first I'd let Ric hang out with him and I'd do something else. Little by little I got comfortable with him and was even starting to hang out every once in a while. And now this. At least this time around I don't feel too hurt because we didn't have enough time to get really close before he slipped. But my main thing is wondering how to treat him. We told him we couldn't watch him destroy himself anymore when he first started coming around again. But obviously a listening ear, encouragement, and advice doesn't work when someone is addicted.
He says he's trying to get back off again. I think the only thing that could help would be a professional program, which I don't think he has done so far. Any advice, Kristen?
Posted by wendytime at April 26, 2005 02:11 PM | TrackBackI figure he'll be off and on the rest of his life. There's nothing I can do for him. He's addicted. That reminds me. I need to call him back. He emailed me last week! Doh!
Posted by: Ric on April 26, 2005 05:53 PMIf he seriously says he wants help, take him to a rehab program immediately. I know that Oasis and Pacific Hills are good programs; the latter is Christian-run and quite effective. It also costs less than the others. There's always hospital programs, but I'm not sure how they measure up. If you don't take him in immediately (and I mean don't wait 10 minutes even), he will change his mind. I guarentee it.
Besides that, try not to get too emotionally involved. There's a certain point where your concern will be manipulated and used against you, which I am sure you are well aware. This will probably be the most difficult part for you. It is hard to know where the line is located between truly caring for him and having him suck you into his dysfunctional world.
I'm sorry to hear that things are rough again.
Posted by: Kristen on April 26, 2005 08:59 PMI know what you mean about not getting emotionally involved. It's weird. We used to be really good friends...even if he wasn't always the best influence. When he got off the drugs, he was back to normal, but somehow different. He was a little more immature. His wit was a little slower. I could tell his thought process was off a bit too.
Drugs are stupid.
Posted by: Ric on April 27, 2005 08:03 AMThe tough part is knowing that you are interacting with not Anthony, but the drugs. (You can see some SPECT scans of the diminished brain function at www.brainplace.com). I would recommend stringent boundaries, though. An example would be that if he wants to hang out with you, he has to do it outside of your home. Or when he is not high. Or can only see you for a set amount of time (i.e. an hour, two hours, etc.).
I went through this during most of college and part of grad school with one of my best friends from back home. It got to the point that I prayed God would break him--and he did. I'm not saying that things will turn out beautifully for Anthony. As cliche as it sounds, we can't control our friends and their choices and need to leave them in God's hands. The tough part is waiting that out to see what happens.
Posted by: Kristen on April 27, 2005 12:48 PMwhat exactly is Anthony taking?
Posted by: phil on April 28, 2005 01:05 AMWell I didn't read his sheepish email to Ric that admitted his relapse, but I think it was speed that he had a problem with.