Smiles' Crazy Blog

I really struggle with who I am. I realized that today, well actually a long time ago. I cannot define myself, and I would submit that others cannot either. Why is this, I do not know. I have a lot of different sides to me. While I do nothing that is contrary to my character, generally, I am different in almost every situation. Am I an introvert, or an extrovert. I don't know. There is a part of me that dies to be around people, and have their attention, but yet a side of me that would rather sit alone in my room, and just think about life in general. Either one I find fulfilling, and necessary for me. I like both and don't want either at the same time.

Also, I decided that I hate that I have a million nicknames. Nicknames are just someone's opinion of what I am to them. And thus when someone calls me by one, I feel obligated to be that way all the time. Thus they see the nickname, and not who I am.

There is something that I like about being called Andy. I like just being Andy. Its almost as if that person cares about who I am, more than what I look like I am. I think that is why I really liked having a girlfriend. Both girlfriends I have had, called me Andy. I felt as though they were really looking at me, and who I was. I loved that. I don't get that a lot. People looking at me, and me alone to see what kind of person I am.

Now, what I need to do is figure out who I am. Where to start, maybe I already have, but I have no idea what my next step is.