I am Kyle's self-indulgence

It's been a while since I last read a very funny, very linkworthy Onion article. This one's brilliant, though:

Bush Vows To Eliminate U.S. Dependence On Oil By 4920

Responding to reporters' questions, Bush admitted that our progeny could face challenges in pursuit of the goal, such as the earth's degrading orbit and eventual destruction of the moon by tidal force, or the Second Coming of Jesus Christ.