Stephanie and Somebody

We have come to an awful point of decision. And the preachers may well be waiting in the wings, preparing sermons to carry on vehement spittle all manner of condemnations of consumerism. But I must tell the truth.

We are going to spend some time looking at other churches.

Some may think this akin to telling your wife, "I am going to spend some time looking at other women." You can't expect you wife to supportively make your lunch, send you on your way, and be happy for you whether you end up back home or not. While I don't expect enthusiastic support from anyone--let alone the leaders in my church--I would like to spend some time over these next few weeks thinking about what makes a community of people Christian. What is the church, and how do you find your place within it?

No, I do not believe I am possessed by the Church Shopping demon, and I have no goal to undermine the unity of the church, nor to derail the gospel in America. My goals for this quest are not so lofty. I simply want to find an environment in which I can receive God's grace, and a community to whom my gifts can be given.

It may seem like a strange time to be thinking of making a move, because it has been a year since I was on staff and got shown the door. Well, I don't know if "shown the door" is the best term, but then we never decided on one. I wasn't being "fired," I was told. Neither was I being "let go," "laid off," or anything else, apparently. I knew I wasn't quitting, but I also wasn't going to keep working there. In the end, it was called a "transition" and was linked to my graduation.

Somewhere between not being let go and not being held on to, the paychecks stopped, and all I know is that from now on I have to check the yes box on applications that ask if I have ever been involuntarily terminated.

So it's been a year now, and we have continued to attend the church. Haven't we gotten over it? Actually, no. The trust that was severed has not been repaired in the slightest, and there are indications that our experience was neither the first, nor the last of its kind. We continued to go to the church because we were in a state of such financial uncertainty that we did not know from one month to the next whether we would need to move out of our apartment, or borrow money and move across the country. For every month of this whole year, we have wondered whether we would be moving away.

So we decided to stick it out with the friends that we had, for months explaining to people that we had not moved out of state, as many had been told. But now that I have signed a year long contract to teach high school, we are finally finding that we have the time to build more than a superficial connection to a new church.

So we have finally come to this awful point of decision, seeing that in many ways it would have just been easier for everyone if we had moved away. Then, at least, it would have been a passive process and the break could have been easily blamed on the changing circumstance rather than on the real issues.

I don't yet know if we will choose a new church or continue to attend the one we've been at for more than three years now. I hope that this quest will not only illuminate the possiblities that await us in other communities, but also bring clarity to our involvement in our church now and whether or not we have been called to stick it out.