Musings of a Punk Rock Father

I haven't been paying much attention to the movies that are out right now. And so when Melanie and I decided at the last minute yesterday that we wanted to go on a date, we weren't making a very informed decision regarding what movie to go see. We quickly pulled up the theatre schedule, and went through the list of movies. "Balls of Fury," "Rush Hour 3," Rob Zombie's "Halloween," "The Nanny Diaries"...ugh. And then I looked up "3:10 to Yuma." I read the first line of the synopsis; "When a rancher..." and I didn't want to go any further. I had visions of Van Damme and Seagal running through my head. But then we saw that it starred Russell Crowe, so we decided we would give it a chance. Reviews be darned, we would just go.

At the theatre, we discovered the movie had already started. I refuse to miss even the first two minutes of a film, because those two minutes can be crucial. So we went back to the box office to exchange our tickets. The next movie playing was "Shoot Em Up." Never heard of it. Oh, it stars Clive Owen and Paul Giamatti? Okay, let's give it a shot. Actually, Melanie said let's give it a shot, because with a title like "Shoot Em Up," I assumed it was a brainless, plotless action movie, which is the furthest thing from what Melanie likes. But, she picked it.

The movie opened with one of the most ridiculous scenes I have ever seen, in almost every regard. Gratuitous violence, questionable acting prowess, bad, bad dialogue, and more gratuitous violence. I won't attempt to describe what transpires in this opener, because plenty of critics have let the carrot out of the bag, except to say that I enjoyed the use of Nirvana's "School."

I continued to hate the film as crazy, over-the-top shoot-outs were strung together by a plot that existed solely to have a reason to string together crazy, over-the-top shoot-outs. It was either like an extended length music video or a musical. The plot, thin as it is, basically follows Owen as he saves a baby that is being followed by assassins, for reasons explained much, much later in the movie. He ends up on the run with a prostitute who becomes the surrogate mother to baby Oliver. But don't pay attention to the story, because the filmmaker certainly didn't. Some critics have compared this to John Woo, but it really doesn't have the grace of a lot of John Woo films. It reminds me more of "Blood, Guts, Bullets and Octane." Immediately after the film, I thought it was like "Children of Men" meets "Sin City," and not just because Clive Owen appeared in all three, and then I saw that a lot of critics said the same thing.

But at some point in the film, I felt like I "got it." Somewhere in the ludicrous gun battles, barely witty repartee and pounding heavy metal (such as "Ace of Spades," which tends to be over-used, but it's such a good song I don't really mind), I started to see the real comedy of it all. I first tried to determine if the movie is a send-up of action films, or a bizarre anti-gun commentary; I finally concluded that it is both. It could be neither, I suppose, and I am reading too much into it. But it is so much, so far out there, that I have to believe the filmmaker had a little more thought put into it than is put into a Seagal movie. The film is quite self-referential, with Owen's character at one point complaining about an infuriating trait of a lot of action movie heroes, so he is sure to avoid their blunders. The seemingly poor acting and bad dialogue actually reminded me of "Wild Things," which was also purposely over-the-top.

Probably the biggest laugh for Melanie and me came at the most "climactic" scene. If and when you see this movie, you will know exactly what I am talking about. Another big laugh came when Owen and Bellucci were changing baby Oliver's newspaper diaper, and Owen looked at the poop-covered front page with a photo of a presidential candidate. "S**t," he uttered. Haha.

When we got home, we immediately looked the movie up online to find out what the deal is with it. Are we crazy for not only not hating it, but actually kind of liking it? I felt vindication in Roger Ebert's review:

"'Shoot 'em Up,' written and directed by the gung-ho Michael Davis, is the most audacious, implausible, cheerfully offensive, hyperactive action picture I've seen since, oh, 'Sin City,' which in comparison was a chamber drama. That I liked 'Shoot 'em Up' is a consequence of a critical quirk I sometimes notice: I may disapprove of a movie for going too far, and yet have a sneaky regard for a movie that goes much, much farther than merely too far."

This morning I took my son to see Ice Age: The Meltdown at one of those early morning, cheap kids movies. Only $1 per person, and it was a nice theater, not one of those second run theaters.

This was his first time at a real movie theater, and he loved it. I predicted to Melanie that he would utter "Whoah!" a lot, and he did. He laughed loudly through most of the movie, and he made me laugh out loud too at some of the silly gags.

This was the first time I've been to a movie where crying kids was accepted, if not expected.

Yesterday saw my 30th birthday come and go. I didn't really care too much about the milstone, until about a week ago. I started thinking more about how I will never again be able to say that I am in my 20s. How the hair I am losing will never come back.

But Melanie gave me a wonderful gift for my birthday: the full assurance that she loves me, even as I bald and age. She asked her mom to babysit overnight, so that we could stay out late like we used to do when childless. We dined at a fancy french resaurant, Mon Ami Gabi, in swank Oak Brook. We enjoyed the Oysters Du Jour, the best oysters I think I've ever had. A little cocktail sauce, a little horseradish, those babies were fantastic. My entree: Salmon, dijon crust, pommes puree, balsamic & chive oil. Mel's entree: Sea Scallops, whipped cauliflower, carmelized onion, raisins, pine nuts. They were both incredible. Then the server brought out a Profiteroles with a candle in it, and did not sing for me; "I did it all online," Melanie told me. "I requested no singing." She really knows me. We also ordered the Chocolate Mousse for good measure. Fully stuffed, we decided we would go see a movie.

We decided upon "Capote," because we were in the mood for an Oscar-award-winning performance. Minutes before the movie was to start, a large group of women could be heard in the hall, huge belly-laughs erupting from them. They entered our theater, which was very quiet due to the fact that we were about to watch a movie about a gay author writing about a horrific quadruple murder. They sprawled out around the theater, yelling to each other, announcing that they were "the loud section." Great. But I had a sense that they were in the wrong theatre. It must be my hyper-sensitive ability to read people. Then one of them stated talking about how we'd all be laughing, wouldn't be able to control it. Turns out, they were there to see that Tyler Perry Family Reunion movie, which was showing in the theater next to us.

The film was great, really tough to watch at times, but great. Hoffman was excellent as Capote. What a selfish man he was. I didn't know the stary of the writing of "In Cold Blood," and I was riveted. Great choice.

Melanie had also rented "Walk the Line," so we had an Oscar-nominee/winner evening. Phoenix really immersed himself into Johnny Cash. The music was fantastic, the acting was fantastic, and I'm a fan of director James Mangold.

The best part of the evening, though, was how Melanie shared her love with me: through some thoughts about our life and love that she wrote down and presented to me when we arrived home. It was really wonderful, and made a memorable birthday. So I am trying not to worry so much about what is behind me, but to treasure what I have.

Thanks, Mel.

A few thoughts:

Can't they just get rid of the best song category, and leave screwing decent musical artists to the Grammys? Where else can you have three completely disparate choices such as those offered (and aren't there supposed to be five? Were there really not enough good songs from films to fill the other two slots?) on Sunday. I refuse to believe that the Three 6 Mafia song was really the best of the year. Heck, I would've picked Nirvana's "Something in the Way" from Jarhead above any of those others, but I guess I don't understand what makes a song nominatable (like that word?). Actually, the hip-hop song used in the Jarhead ads was way better also.

Jon Stewart was great. Having his Daily Show writers was great. Those low-down campaign ads were great. Pointing out that Martin Scorcese has no Oscars after the Three 6 Mafia accepted their award was great.

I found it funny that they trash-talked DVD. Yeah, that DVD really screwed their box-office revenue, didn't it? Oh wait, no, it was probably "Dukes of Hazzard" that did it.

I still get excited about the Oscars. I could without all of the pre-show interviews, which are all crap except for Roger Ebert, because he manages to slide in some decent questions and astute observations even as the "who are you wearing?" commences around him, and I could do without the post-show party coverage. If I were an Oscar attendee, I would prefer to slip away after the show and get some fast food and rent a DVD and go home. That'd show them, wouldn't it.

I guess I get most excited about the possibility that the Academy will do the right thing (meaning, give all of the awards to the movies, cast and crew that I would). No other awards show has that opportunity, least of all the Grammys. I get excited to see someone like Phil S. Hoffman win for best actor. I like some of the speeches. I appreciate any speech where a winner thanks their spouse and children, and seems to mean it. I like the best live action short and best documentary winners, because they don't appear to have had any plastic surgery, and look like they could live in the Midwest and survive.

Finally: can't we just get rid of the best song category?

Last night we rented The Constant Gardener. I cannot fathom why anyone thought that The Constant Gardener would be a compelling title. It wasn't bad enough that the book was titled "The Constant Gardener," the movie had to be stuck with the same lackluster name?

Well, the Home & Garden crowd would have been severely disappointed, because the gardening scenes did not comprise very much of the actual film. Instead, it was a well-written, well-acted and well-directed mystery of a film. Politically and romantically charged, the film follows a British diplomat and his activist wife who become entangled in a pharmaceutical nightmare. The film is frighteningly believable and one of the best we;ve seen in recent months.

Since work was fairly slow this morning, I spent a little time considering what I would put on a top ten of 2005 list. First, I had to consider what categories belonged. Being like Rob Gordon from High Fidelity, I believe my list must include books, films and music that achieved high levels of excellence. I could include personal milestones and highlights, but those probably belong on a different list. So I will, for now, present my Art-Related Top Ten List of 2005. Keep in mind, these are not necessarily things that were released or created in 2005, but things that I discovered in 2005.

10. The Apprentice
OK, so it all can’t be considered high art. I love this show. For whatever reason, I get caught up in the drama and backstabbing and blow-ups and freak-outs. I love to conjecture about who will get fired and why, and I love to play armchair Trump and list my reasons for whom I would fire and why. For the record, I think it was terrible that Randal told Trump there should be only one apprentice, I think it worse that Trump, the self-important blow-hard that he is, listened. He should have told Randal to cram it, and hired Rebecca anyway because he’s Trump, and he doesn’t have to listen to anybody, particularly his most recent employee. Now that they are branching out beyond New York City, I can only hope they bring the series to Chicago soon.

9. Public Enemy “Bring the Noise 2000”
Never officially released.
With the release of “New Whirl Odor,” which was a contender for a position on this list, my interest in Public Enemy was renewed, which brought me to a website called www.shutemdown.com, which was linked from Public Enemy’s main page. On it I found a cornucopia of PE downloads, including this unreleased album of b-sides and remixes. When you download and burn this to a CD, make sure the songs are burned with no space between tracks because they bleed into one another creating the greatest party mix I’ve ever heard. As Chuck D says, “Welcome to the Terrordome!”

8. Finding Neverland
Theatrical Release Date: September 4, 2004
Video Release Date: March 22, 2005
It is rare for Johnny Depp to make an outright bad movie. Some I didn’t care for (“Chocolat,” “Secret Window”) and some too weird even for me (“Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” “From Hell”), but none of the films on his resume are just plain bad. In fact, most are amazing. “Finding Neverland” falls into that latter category. This film tells the story of the author of Peter Pan, and the story about the story is just as magical and timeless as Peter Pan itself. Now I want to see it again.

7. The Incredibles
Theatrical Release Date: November 5, 2004
Video Release Date: March 15, 2005
As a fan of “The Iron Giant,” I eagerly anticipated Brad Bird’s “The Incredibles.” Of course, now that we have a child, Melanie and I don’t get out to the movies often and so our anticipation of a theatrical release turns into an anticipation of the video release. We both really loved this fun, clever, well-written film. I love kids moves that transcend being a kids movie, and both of Bird’s feature-length films have managed to accomplish that.

6. Douglas Coupland “Eleanor Rigby”
Released September 6, 2004
I’m a huge fan of Coupland’s “Life After God” and “Microserfs.” His writing is full of characters who think deeply without pretension, and with the exception of “Miss Wyoming,” I’ve been unable to put his books down. “Eleanor Rigby” is simply an enjoyable read. So much time has elapsed between the time I read it and now that I find myself unable to come up with examples of what I loved about the novel, so I suppose you’ll just have to read it for yourself.

5. Hotel Rwanda
Theatrical Release Date: December 22, 2004
Video Release Date: April 12, 2005
Don Cheadle is in my top ten list for favorite actors. His work in films like “Out of Sight,” “Traffic,” and “The Assassination of Richard Nixon” is worth the price of admission alone. (And I just looked him up on imdb.com and saw that Elmore Leanord’s “Tishomingo Blues” is in preproduction, with Cheadle cast as Robert Taylor. Funny, because I just read the book and pictured Cheadle as the character as I read it.) “Hotel Rwanda” is a sad, poignant, important film. It is a film that lifts the medium above pure entertainment, even above artistic excellence: it shows that films can share a story that can touch and change lives. I actually ended up seeing the first half of the film twice because I began watching it while Melanie was asleep. When she awoke and wanted to see it from the beginning, I had no problem skipping back to chapter one and starting all over again. If you still haven’t seen this, I urge you to rent it on your next visit to the video store.

4. Harry Potter
This year I decided to read the Harry Potter series. As of this writing, I am almost halfway through “Goblet of Fire,” and I love the series thus far. I tore through the first three, but life has been a little more hectic during the fourth installment. I wanted to read the books as much as a response to the number of Christians I heard talking about how bad and immoral the books are as a genuine desire to read a good story. Admittedly I am troubled by some of the sequences of witchcraft and wizardry, such as the divination classes, but heck if Rowling has written a set of books that aren’t difficult to put down. Melanie and I just watched the first three films as well, and while they didn’t spark my imagination as much as the books, they were fun rides on their own merits.

3. mewithoutYou “Catch For Us the Foxes”
Original release date: October 5, 2004
I had only heard an EP and seen the band once before. The EP was good, and live I really enjoyed them. They wore their Fugazi influences on their sleeves, and their set was compelling. Still, I didn’t feel the need to buy an album. Recently, though, it seems I couldn’t avoid seeing amazing reviews of their 2004 release, “Catch For Us the Foxes.” My pastor even mentioned the passage in Song of Solomon 2:15, “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.” Then I found a sale, and I got the CD for $7.50. Now I’m sorry I didn’t get it earlier, especially being a fan of mid-to-late-90’s punk rock. The album sounds like Steve Albini (frontman of seminal punk rock bands Big Black and Shellac and producer of seminal albums like “Nevermind” and “Surfer Rosa”) fronting a band made up of the Jesus Lizard, Tar, and Seam. Thrilled, I picked up the CD to look a the credits, where I noticed that the album was produced by none other that Brad Wood, who had produced the Jesus Lizard and Seam, along with many other notable Chicago bands. This is one of the most exciting new albums I have heard in 2005, and is one that I find myself recommending to anyone who will give me half an ear.

2. Project 86 “…And the Rest Will Follow”
Original release date: September 27, 2005
Since the New Bomb Turks have essentially broken up, Project 86 has taken on the mantel of my favorite band. Lyrically, the band is leaps and bounds beyond its peers in the mostly uninspired realm of next-generation metal. I actually have no idea what genre to put them in, though. To me, they sound more post-hardcore than anything, but others have called them anything from rap-rock and nu-metal (both of which, to me, equal talentless, soulless genres) alternative and punk. This latest album further distinguishes the band from other hard-rocking outfits, as they veer from the catchy but heavy riffs of “Cavity King” to the quiet title track to a bombastic arena-rock western anthem called “My Will Be A Dead Man.” The band’s more accessible side is seen in songs like “All of Me” and “Subject to Change,” where they prove they don’t have to make a lot noise to make great songs. I also had the chance to see the band tour in support of this album, and the guys brought these songs a terrific amount of energy and passion. “…And the Rest Will Follow” is not only the most artistically exceptional piece of music that they have created, but it is also the most spiritual and thoughtful of their five albums.

1. Nirvana “With the Lights Out”
Original release date: November 23, 2004
This boxed set is a treasure trove for Nirvana fans. The expansive track list covers every phase of the band’s career, from early songs that I have never heard like “Pen Cap Chew” and “Help Me I’m Hungry” to a reworking of “You Know You’re Right.” I was particularly fond of a rocking version of “Stay Away” called “Pay to Play,” a somber hymn “They Hung Him On a Cross,” and various reworkings of “Verse Chorus Verse,” among others. Not only are the CDs pretty all-inclusive (although I would’ve like to have some of the final recordings of songs like “I Hate Myself and Want to Die,” but I guess since they already appear on legit releases they were not considered), but the accompanying DVD covers a lot of ground as well, with some great footage of the band that I’ve never seen before. I wasn’t able to get this set until my birthday in March of this year, so it is number one on my personal best of 2005 list.

Melanie and I just finished watching "Laws of Attraction." Three thoughts arise:

1) Who wrote this drivel and thought it good enough to pitch to a movie studio?

2) Who read this script and gave positive feedback to the author?

3) What studio executive thought, "Wow, this will make a great film?"

Laws of Attraction : Intolerable Cruelty :: Mission to Mars : 2001.

At least it was free at the library.

Director Danny Boyle's newest fantasy Millions is like Shallow Grave meets The Butcher Boy meets something sweeter, like Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, although I also thought of A Simple Plan as well. The film focuses on two brothers who come across a large sum of money when it falls to them from the sky (Shallow Grave & A Simple Plan). One of the brothers, who sees visions of saints (similar to the Butcher Boy's visions of the Virgin Mary) wishes to give the money to help poor people, while his older brother spends with reckless abandon.

The film plays more as a fantasy, which works well given that we are seeing the world mostly through the eyes of an imaginative little boy. The film wrestles with issues of morality, helping others, loss and fitting in, among others. As the film opens, the boys are moving into a new home with their dad because their mother has died (as Melanie said, "Why do mothers always have to die in movies? It all started with "Bambi"!). The issue of loss is seen equally poignantly through the sons as well as their father, who not only struggles to raise the two on his own, but also struggles with being alone.

Since they have begun attending a new school, the older brother sees the money as a way to popularity, to fitting in, while his younger sibling only wants to help those who are less fortunate. "Are you poor," he continually asks people, proclaiming "Brilliant!" when he finds someone to lavish his fortune upon.

The film swings back and forth between reality and fantasy, sad and humorous, small issues and large. It's quite a different feel for the director of Trainspotting, but no less artful or moving.

Last night Melanie and I finally saw Batman Begins. I had been looking forward to it because I expected Christopher Nolan to redeem the series' sullied reputation by undoing all of the wrongs perpetrated by Joel Schumacher.

This film is by far better than those neon and rubber-nippled Schumacher debacles, but it still didn't surpass my affection for the first Burton Batman film. I loved the return to a dark atmosphere, and I felt okay with the re-write of Batman's origin over the first film. The changes were minor, and ddint bother me. I did feel, though, that the training sequences were far too lengthy. I guess I just wanted to see Batman, in the suit, earlier than an hour into the film.

Christian Bale fit the role well, far better than Clooney or Kilmer. Of course, they may have been better Batmen if they weren't encouraged to camp it up. I think I need to watch this film again, though, to truly appreciate it, especially now that I know that half the film leads up to the appearance of Batman. Originally, I thought this film was to be based on Frank Miller's Batman: Year One, but I didn't see any evidence of that.

I'm really hoping someone makes a film out of Miller's The Dark Knight Returns, with Micheal Keaton again taking on the lead.